Learn to listen like a dog....

by Chrys Olson on 03/03/13

NOTE:  This blog was first published on the Institute for Financial Operations website in January, 2012.

I just had the most delightful conversation…..with my dog.  Actually, it started with Cooper thinking I needed to be playing with him instead of sitting at my laptop.  He brought me toys that squeak and toys that squawk.  He pulled on my socks and even gave me a little bark in frustration.   I finally turned to him and started to explain that I had to write my blog and  I needed some quiet time.   As I talked, he just sat down and listened.  He gave me his full attention.  He watched my face.  He cocked his head to the left and then to the right.  Not once did he interrupt.  It was obvious that he was hanging on my every word even as he had no idea what I was saying.

An old Zen proverb says, “When walking, walk.  When eating, eat.”  In other words, give your full attention to what you are doing.  The goal of good listening should be simply to listen -- nothing more and nothing less. 

Research has found that we hear about 3 or 4 times faster than we can talk.  It’s no wonder our minds often run ahead of what is being said to us.  We are preparing our response before the speaker has finished talking.  Sometimes we finish sentences for people.  There’s no way we can really be listening.  This is a hard thing to overcome but here’s another thing I learned from my dog and it just might work.  When I stopped talking, it took Cooper a few seconds to decide the conversation was over.  He waited to make sure I didn’t have more to say and then he turned and walked away.  What if we just make ourselves wait for a few seconds after the other person stops talking before we respond?  If nothing else, that would keep us from interrupting.  Of course, we would then run the risk that the other person would never stop talking.  That makes me think of Aunt Rose but I’m sure she’s an exception.  Most people do run down eventually.

I’ve always felt pleased when someone chose me to talk to.  After all, they could be off talking to someone else and I could be left out.  I know Cooper was pleased that I chose to talk to him.  I thought he was determined that I needed to come and play with him but all he really wanted was my attention.   

Take a lesson from Cooper and be an exceptional listener.

Thanks for visiting my blog and for listening.